quiet

Tags

doing nothing, guilt, intention, writing

I’m afraid I’m being quite predictable here with my choice of words; verging very close to cliché. I have three other posts started but abandoned, but those words will have to wait. For now, quiet seems to keep coming up.

I think it is the time of year. After the busyness of the holidays and just too much in general, it’s intuitive for many of us to want to pare back. Quieting the noise of clutter has been omnipresent for the last six months or so and I’m constantly chipping away at that. It wasn’t planned, but splitting up the household—with a lot of the doubles we have going north (why do we have two complete sets of measuring spoons, 8 mixing bowls and enough sheets for the wing of a hotel anyway?)—is helping, although until the moving van comes we will be awash with boxes. I can live with that and will have to. Then…more space. I’ll try not to fill it up.

More than quieting the noise of too much stuff though is just being quiet. Too many mornings I get up and flick on the radio and then go about my morning half-listening, with the radio just being background noise. Living with quiet—in the mornings, in the garden, while I walk, and even when I’m with another person—is okay. Or at least it needs to be.

This article by Pico Iyer, The Joy of Quiet, has some fascinating things to say about quiet and how, in today’s age of information overload (electronic clutter?) we crave, and in some instances need to learn (“Internet Rescue Camps”? Yoiks), how to be quiet. The article led me to this quote by Blaise Pascal:

All men’s miseries derive from not being able to sit in a quiet room alone.

I’m not so sure about that, but we certainly do seem to have more and more trouble being quiet and being alone. And there are so many days when this seems to true:

We have more and more ways to communicate…but less and less to say.

The article mentions the idea of an Internet Sabbath; something I just might need to instigate from time-to-time. Maybe today. After I get a stack of work done…

The biggest “quiet challenge” for me though, is to learn to quiet my mind. It seems that as soon as my head hits the pillow, some guilt or worry button deep in my brain is—ping!—activated. Being a writer does not help. Especially a writer with a book coming out in a few months. You start to question things, second guess, worry about facts, saying too much, not saying enough. Last night was particularly bad, but early this morning when I was particularly frustrated with the inability to sleep and quiet my mind, a word came from another place deep in my brain: intention. I realized (rationalized?) that if my intention/motivation in saying something, doing something, writing something, is honest, well thought out, and not malicious then I shouldn’t be so hard on myself. I still didn’t get enough sleep, but it helped. Tonight perhaps.

no

Tags

action, community, family, resolutions

Having a household that is 75% celiac (requiring a gluten-free diet) I follow the blog of the Gluten-Free Girl. She has two tattoos on her wrists; one that says yes and one that says breathe. (For more on the latter, go here.) When I first read her post about the tattoo that said yes, I thought to myself, “I need to get one that says no.” That way, I rationalized, I can just flash my wrist when I feel the word yes rising from my throat. As in, “Yes, I’ll volunteer to do that,” or “Yes, I think I have enough time to do that work for you,” or “Yes, I’ll do [insert activity here],” and so on. I’m sure you get the picture. I’ve also thought about carrying around a small placard that says no. That way I can just flash the word around—like the auction-goers flash around their numbers on those little paddles—without actually having to say it.

But this year I am going to try to say no a little bit more.

I swear I chose this week’s word before I saw this, but I felt supported (vindicated, perhaps?) by my choice when I found it. My primary goal in this effort to say no more often, is so I can better focus on the many things that I’ve already said yes to. There are are the big things that I’ve said yes to over the past two decades: being married, having children, investing in a house and large garden, starting a business (and a new job), starting a master’s degree, volunteering for local community organizations. All of these things need my attention. And in 2012, they’re going to get it.

I also need to say no more because I said yes to something that is going to change my reality, at least for the short term, in a fairly big way. When my husband asked how I’d feel about him fulfilling a personal dream to work in the north, I said Sure, why not. And by north, I mean north. This change is coming up quickly, so no doubt there will be more about it here, but, for now, we’re making lists and packing and imagining what the spring will bring. (And, no, I’m not going. At least not now.)

No is also a good word for me to focus on, because for this past year (and before, but over the last year it’s been very strong), I’ve been feeling the need to say no to stuff. I’ve been craving clean, open spaces; blank walls; less clutter. Purging, de-cluttering, acquiring less (and this means through thrifting too, one of my diversions) will help. Paul J. says it well so I don’t have to. (Thanks for the inspiration, Paul!)

i don’t feel this is an exercise in depravity … i just want to move past the feeling like i need to keep buying things, owning things, and having things to be fulfilled. the real goal is to reduce worthless items, while increasing things like experiences, self-improvement and happiness.

gratitude

Tags

action, reflection

Today is the first day of my 50th year. I wanted to do something to mark the year, but wasn’t sure what. I have a few general ideas, but, for some reason, the idea of reflecting on particular words kept coming to mind. (Or at least using a word as a jumping off point.) Thus this idea of 50 words, one to mark each year, was born. But what to do with those words? I thought blogging about this little project would just be indulgent navel-gazing, but, as my friend Jude reminded me, I am a writer and generally writers want people to read their words. So here you have it.

This blog isn’t about a diet or a list of resolutions that will mark my 50th year. (In fact, parts of this blog are going to be very anti-diet. More on that later.) It is about words and ideas and, yes, some navel-gazing and reflections on life and how it’s lived. At least how I live it.

So, my first word. I had several on my mind before I settled on gratitude. Yearn came to me in the middle of one night. I liked the idea that it contained the root, year, but the fact that it also included earn didn’t seem all that fitting for my first post. I had hubris as the header for the better part of a day, because, well, what I’m doing here shouts hubris all over it doesn’t it? (Hubris = excessive or arrogant pride and, in Greek tragedy, defiance of the gods.) Although, personally, I found some twisted pleasure in the definition in one dictionary: wanton insolence. Those are both such great words.

It’s perhaps no surprise that I ended up with a very predictable word, especially for this time of year: gratitude.

Just as I settled on the word, there was, coincidently (and within about 15 minutes of typing those nine letters), a short piece on gratitude on CBC’s The Current. I took that as a good sign. You can see the gist of it here and listen to the podcast as well.

I have much to be grateful for. This past fall, I participated in a workshop at my yoga studio. One of the exercises was to take a hard look at various aspects in your life — relationships, health, finances, employment, spirituality and the like. There were good probing questions that sometimes made you go places where you didn’t want to, but the thing that struck me most — and it’s certainly something I’ve known for years, but hadn’t really articulated — is that I have it pretty good. Actually, I have it very good. Sure, there is always room for improvement, but I felt pretty satisfied with most aspects of my life.

I’m not going to put it all down the “luck” though. We all make choices in our lives and take or refuse chances and opportunities. This all creates the life we end up leading. You choose what you do for work, who you have relationships with, where you live, how you spend your time, when (and if) you have children, and the like. The choices I’ve made have resulted in a rich life. There are, of course, many things I want to do, things I would change (and might), personal goals (that I may or may not share) and many more choices to make, but I am humbled and full of gratitude that the choices I’ve made thus far have melded into my life as it stands today.

But I am especially grateful for the things I have no control over: my genetics, my family, the fact that I was born in Canada. Thus far, I am pretty convinced that my genetics have gone a long way to keeping me healthy. Yes, environment, diet, exercise, relationships and all of those things are very much a part of health, but my constitution just seems strong and it seemed that way for many of my relatives and ancestors too. (I still have a little bible my great-grandfather gave me when he was 102.) And, although we have our moments as all families do, I was born into one that is filled with intelligent, funny, self-assured people who don’t have a lot of baggage. (Or, if they do, have it safely tucked away and don’t seem keen to pass it on.) And then there is this country. Although I know we could have long discussions and arguments about this, Canada is generally a country with an underlying ethos of collective responsibility and concern for the well-being of its citizens. At least that’s how I see it. And to have lived my life thus far without being touched personally by war or natural disaster is a thing that I don’t underestimate. I have not had to see my children or my husband go to war; I have not been bombed, rationed or swept away in a torrent of water; I have not wanted for shelter, food, companionship, my safety. For this and so much more, I am grateful.

Gratitude is a good word for this time of year. The trick is making it last. And the trick is also to show gratitude without generating a feeling of indebtedness in another person. To freely give without any expectation of return.

From Science Daily:

Humans are interdependent, with people doing things for each other all the time. Simply because a person does something for another does not mean that the emotion of gratitude will be felt. In addition to the possibility of not even noticing the kind gesture, one could have many different reactions to receiving a benefit from someone else, including gratitude, resentment, misunderstood, or indebtedness.

Gratitude is a good thing to contemplate, to cultivate, to practice. Little things can help.