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Having a household that is 75% celiac (requiring a gluten-free diet) I follow the blog of the Gluten-Free Girl. She has two tattoos on her wrists; one that says yes and one that says breathe. (For more on the latter, go here.) When I first read her post about the tattoo that said yes, I thought to myself, “I need to get one that says no.” That way, I rationalized, I can just flash my wrist when I feel the word yes rising from my throat. As in, “Yes, I’ll volunteer to do that,” or “Yes, I think I have enough time to do that work for you,” or “Yes, I’ll do [insert activity here],” and so on. I’m sure you get the picture. I’ve also thought about carrying around a small placard that says no. That way I can just flash the word around—like the auction-goers flash around their numbers on those little paddles—without actually having to say it.
But this year I am going to try to say no a little bit more.
I swear I chose this week’s word before I saw this, but I felt supported (vindicated, perhaps?) by my choice when I found it. My primary goal in this effort to say no more often, is so I can better focus on the many things that I’ve already said yes to. There are are the big things that I’ve said yes to over the past two decades: being married, having children, investing in a house and large garden, starting a business (and a new job), starting a master’s degree, volunteering for local community organizations. All of these things need my attention. And in 2012, they’re going to get it.
I also need to say no more because I said yes to something that is going to change my reality, at least for the short term, in a fairly big way. When my husband asked how I’d feel about him fulfilling a personal dream to work in the north, I said Sure, why not. And by north, I mean north. This change is coming up quickly, so no doubt there will be more about it here, but, for now, we’re making lists and packing and imagining what the spring will bring. (And, no, I’m not going. At least not now.)
No is also a good word for me to focus on, because for this past year (and before, but over the last year it’s been very strong), I’ve been feeling the need to say no to stuff. I’ve been craving clean, open spaces; blank walls; less clutter. Purging, de-cluttering, acquiring less (and this means through thrifting too, one of my diversions) will help. Paul J. says it well so I don’t have to. (Thanks for the inspiration, Paul!)
i don’t feel this is an exercise in depravity … i just want to move past the feeling like i need to keep buying things, owning things, and having things to be fulfilled. the real goal is to reduce worthless items, while increasing things like experiences, self-improvement and happiness.
paul said:
you’re welcome! i agree about saying no often being healthy, i blogged about it here: http://pjrvs.com/saying-no/
and i’m glad you’re not leaving town (at least not “now”)! you’ve got 3 months of veggies coming your way soon…
Adrienne Mason said:
Another good post, oh wise Paul. And, yup, I’m looking forward to those veggies when they do arrive. (Not sure that my daughter will be, but there’s another project for me.)
Jude Isabella said:
Lots of practice saying no right now — to the chocolate, the cookies (why, oh why are people so thoughtful and bake you gf goodies so you don’t feel left out?), and all the holiday boooooozzzzeeeee………zzzzzzzzz. No! The Opera.
Thanks Adriene!
Adrienne Mason said:
Um, I need to start saying no to that other stuff, too. But not quite yet.
Jude Isabella said:
Hey, I spelt your name wrong. All that Bailey’s…..AdrienNe! Or did I miss the first n? AdrieNne!
jan said:
Considering your first word was gratitude – how about practising, “no, thankyou!” Maybe you’ll have a very interesting composition utilizing your 50 words by the end of your 50th year. Thank you for indulging in this project! I love reading what you write – you have much to teach me. “Yes,please!”
Adrienne Mason said:
Yes to “No, thank you!” I just need to frame this in the affirmative. I am not really saying no so much as I’m saying yes to a whole bunch of things that need more focus. Thanks for reading, Jan.